I rang the doorbell to the first and last place I knew she would be. At Richard’s. Her best friend. And sure enough I saw her shoes beside the porch swing, her favorite thing to do she told me. The door open and a not so pleasant looking Richard welcomed me with a frown on his face.
“What are you here for? Oh wait, lemme guess. To break her heart again?” he said sarcasm covering his words, a smile on his face. “I just want to-
“Let him in Rich” I heard her voice of approval and my heart sped up just as it does. Or did. He cleared the way and I rushed inside not caring I was wearing the same clothes I was wearing when I tore her heart apart.
She looked horrifyingly calm. Her eyes weren’t red as I imagined them. Her hair was swept in a ponytail and she smelled of fresh bath. Lavender. I wanted to hug her so tight it would hurt her. But I knew better not to her in any way possible, and maintained my distance. “Supp Harry?” her voice too, to my horror, completely normal. No hoarse sign of profound crying. Just… distant.
“Nicky please. I know we can sort it out. Nick-
“It’s all fine Harry” she said and I hear my own heart cracking more than just once in the past 24 hours.
“I said its fine. We don’t need to work through anything. I forgive you”
“So are you coming back home?” although I knew by saying forgiving me any girl meant she is ready to take me back. But with Nicky, nothing was ever ordinary. Especially, today.
“I am already at home Harry. My home. Not yours”
“Nick please don’t say this” I took a step towards her not able to controlling myself any longer, but she raised her in front of her chest and I stopped in my tracks. I saw her swallow and her toe feet curl, showing some sign of normalcy. But I slapped away the smile forming on my face for forcing her into hiding her feelings from me.
“Look Harry. I understand, alright? I understand that you fell in love with another female, I do. It’s normal, you know. I mean, of course you didn’t love me, so you went for her. I am not hurt, Harry. You made your choices and I accept It.” my heart froze at this. Didn’t crack. Didn’t heal. Just froze.
“She was nothing to me”
“It proves my point more. You went after someone who meant or means nothing to you leaving the person you supposedly love. Harry, I don’t want an explanation. I understand completely, trust me” she said starting to get irritated now.
The extra stern calmness of her voice was an enough indication for me to know that this was all I would ever get out of her. “Rich please cook today, I am starving!” she said over my shoulder- her innocence coming back- as if I wasn’t even there. “Nutella pancakes on the way” Richard said back and made his way to the kitchen. She went after him smiling and jumping half the way and left me in complete isolation. I turned around and started down the porch stairs. On the bottom most stair, I turned my face and saw the place where it all started. The porch swing.